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When he looked up suddenly, she blinked rapidly to remove any trace of her fear or sadness. It was the least she could do: show how much she endorsed this wonderful next phase of his life.
So, in heroic terms, she bounced down the last of the stairs, nearly colliding with Aunt Antoinette who was rounding the corner with Lord Quamby leaning heavily on his sticks.
“Oh Jack, you’re going to have the time of your life!” she cried, hugging his back impulsively. Dressed up as cousinly enthusiasm, she could feel him close against her for these extra few seconds. When the time came for that final farewell, she must be careful not to cling.
He straightened unexpectedly, gripping her shoulders to stop her stumbling backwards, a genuine smile of so many emotions crossing his face. Of course, he couldn’t hide the fact that he was itching for adventure. Katherine wouldn’t have expected him to. But she caught the fleeting concern, wariness, consciousness of what they were to each other.
And told herself it was enough.
“Be careful, won’t you?” she went on, turning to her mama. “Jack must write and tell us the exciting things he’s been up to. If I were a man, I’d go adventuring too! Not stay obediently at home doing what I’m told.”
“You sound like you want to behave just like your mama did before she was snared by the worthy Fenton,” remarked Lord Quamby with a twinkle in his eye.
Aunt Antoinette’s mouth quirked. “But you’re not a man, Katherine, so you have no choice but to remain obediently at home, though no doubt that’s why you can’t wait to spread your wings and have your own household. Like you so rightly said when you first came to London, marriage is the only way to be independent. And it’s the only way to behave as one wants without society’s disapproving eye coming down upon one’s shoulders. Am I not right, my darling Quamby?”
“As always, my dear,” the earl responded as the pair exchanged a look.
Katherine again wondered at the foundations of their irregular marriage. Her mama had been evasive when she’d brought it up. She sighed inwardly. With so many things grown-ups didn’t tell their children, it seemed the only way to find out was to get married oneself.
However, she was very glad she knew what to expect regarding physical relations between a man and a woman. Loving Jack had made her realise how magical it was to be united with the ‘right’ one. Tears welled up behind her eyes and she forced them back. She’d have to throw herself into revelry in the hope of cauterising the pain if she wasn’t to become a nun instead. Regardless, she didn’t think she’d find herself married in her first season.
The carriage drew up in front of the house as George appeared in the hallway to offer his own farewell. “Safe travels, Jack,” he said, shaking his friend’s hand and clapping him on the back. “Write, won’t you? I want to hear what adventures you get up to.”
Katherine was about to use her last bit of cheeriness to endorse this, but then Lord Fenton and Cousin George Bramley arrived and the men all clustered about, exchanging male talk, and Katherine felt excluded. And lost.
Two footmen arrived to take Jack’s trunk, and then Jack was standing on the threshold of the wide-open double doors, and Katherine could see the carriage door open, ready to receive him.
She didn’t think she could bear it. She was too aware of her mama beside her to rush forward and impulsively embrace Jack yet again, this time clinging as if her life depended on keeping him close. If it had been like the old days when they were simply good friends, she’d have done it, but she was too self-conscious of displaying any emotion that would give them away. So, she simply remained in line, awaiting her turn as Jack farewelled each of her relatives with either a handshake or an embrace.
He hesitated when he came to her, glancing at her mama on her right and her Aunt Antoinette on her left.
“Look after my favourite proxy cousin,” he told them, putting his hand on Katherine’s shoulder.
Katherine tried not to close her eyes and crook her neck so she could rest her cheek upon it. She blinked back the tears. “I’m going to miss you, Jack,” she said hoarsely.
“You’ll have too much fun to miss me for long.”
“That’s right, Katherine,” said Aunt Antoinette in bolstering tones. “Because looking after you means, in part, ensuring you settle upon a man worthy to be a husband of whom Jack would be sure to approve.”
“I already have,” Katherine whispered, so softly she was sure only Jack could hear, except that Aunt Antoinette looked sharply at her.
Jack squeezed her shoulder. “I look forward to hearing all about it, Katherine,” he said, just as if he was the old Jack with just the right words for everyone and Katherine was just his friend. He looked away to address her mother. “When I lie awake beneath the Southern Cross, it will give me comfort to think of Katherine, happy and well placed with a good husband, which is, of course, the reason she’s in London,” he added meaningfully.
Katherine’s mama laughed. “I think you might find the news already awaiting you when you reach Kingston. In case Katherine hasn’t told you, there are several likely contenders already.”
“What makes you say that, Mama!” Katherine cried more hotly than was warranted for everyone looked rather strangely at her.
“I’m sure it’s no secret that Mr Marwick is most taken, and your Aunt Antoinette suggested you returned his interest.” Lady Fenton sounded almost defensive. “Now, come along, Katherine, this is Jack’s send-off. We can talk about you, later.”
It took a great deal of willpower for Katherine not to flounce off or to rebuke her m
other, which she rarely did besides. But of all the things for Jack to hear upon leaving. It was enough to break her heart.
Which is what she felt was happening as she collapsed on her bed once Jack had well and truly departed. It was not ten o’clock in the morning, but she drew the blinds as if the night had gathered upon her dreams and she was in the deepest mourning, and wept until she fell asleep.
Another ball to contemplate, another long, tedious evening to endure.
How different Katherine felt about the social whirl now that Jack was gone. And it had been only hours!
